Firestorm,
I felt like you feel, for a long time, way before I began drinking.
Recovery made it clear to me that I had to find some spiritual connection, a way to reconnect with my soul, with the real 'me'. Spending time by myself has helped.
I wonder if you have considered that you might be depressed. For me, the depression came first and I had to get that correctly diagnosed and treated. It was essential for me.