What popped in my mind reading your post was like already said. I know for me I started looking for that same person I was before addiction. And I wasnt finding her either. Andthe reason for that is because that person doesnt exist anymore. I have changed alot since those days. And whether I would have had been lost in addiciton for 15 uears or not. I still would have gone through those changes and became someone else. Its just how it is as people get older and move on in life. Our likes and dislikes change. Our interests change. We change inside without relizing it.
So here I am left with nothing to search for but what use to be a raging drug addict.
Like Dee said. And it is so spot on. We rebuild ourselves.
And thats what you would have done had you not been lost in a bottle. Thats what 'normal' peopel do as they grow in age and experience. We just sorta left off where we picked up the addiction. So theres no area in between except that.
When I was in IOP one of councelor told us. When your going through a construction zone you need slow down. And the same goes for ourselves. We are a work in progress and we need to take our time.
You have think that we spent all that time in addiciton where most people do the necessary life changes and growing as humans and people. SO we sorta got stuck in a time warp I guess you could say.
So its sorta like quitting school and going back after years of dropping out.
Does that make any sense?
Anyway. Thats my take on it all.
We grow from this point on. We become someone new and different than we are use to. But to me thats the beauty of it. Cause now here we are presented with an empty canvas.
And we can make it anyway we choose.