Hi Saphie I too am having the same problems as you (I even dreamed of winning the lottery so I can drink if I want lol)
Of course I realise that is demented
I haven't choosen to stop drinking because of my job or money or even family, I want to do it for myself.
Don't talk to me about spirituality lol to me it means nothing, I don't believe in god or a higher power of any description (and thanks but I don't want a big discussion about what higher power means).
I wish I could tell you that doing this yourself is easy but it isn't, however I think it's possible.
And by doing it alone I don't mean without human resources I mean without an external supernatural power.
In the past I have had long (and sometimes easy) periods of sobriety using both 12 step and secular methods and even by just hanging on by by fingernails.
What is working for me at the moment is talking to other like minded addicts, not necessarily always on sr, and using some basic behavioural techniques.
What has changed since I got sober this time around is putting in the work
wish I could say behaviour modificaction is easy but it is damned hard work.
I sometimes hate having to follow the rules I have set down for myself (after having taken advice from others who are succesfully staying sober with the tools I am using) but I do my best and so far it is working.
Soon I hope to be able to start working with a professional in the field of behavioural theory and that should help even more.
What I do know is that having completely given up on the spiritual solution I feel better and more positive than I have in years, I spent so long wondering why I just couldn't get it that I am now feeling more free, ok so I don't get it
lets try something else and move on.