I buy more lottery tickets than I used to. Heck yes, I fantasize that my worries will be over and then I can do whatever I want.... But lately, the idea that I would run out and start drinking, doesn't sound as good to me... in fact, it's not really part of the fantasy anymore...
As far as going back and forth about the drinking... What's going on I think is pretty darned normal... Just keep posting, offering others support when they need it, ask for support when you do... If you are on here long enough you will see that nearly everyone does that early on... back and forth....
Religion is not spirituality. I see religion as the organized structure of belief systems to bring us to a spiritual experience. Religion is not God, but rather the finger that points us to God. There are many ways to experience God (or Higher Power....), Religion just offers us the road map, and there are many roads... If you get my drift...
Mark