Kellster,
I just wish i could hug you right now.
I too, know exactly how you feel. We struggled for over 1 1/2 years with my 20 year old to overcome his addiction. Some of you that have posted probably remember my panic and fear. My son went from a 230 lb linebacker, become a 140 lb mean, skrawny, addict. He was virtually dying in front of us, and there was NOTHING we could do. Every time he went out the door, i just knew i would never see him again. The anguish and fear i felt, was paralyizing.
As parents, we naturally nuture our children, no one gives us any skills at dealing with addiction.
As a Mom, I needed to understand this demon of addiction. It is such a dark and frightening world.
Many things could be said, but i am here to give you hope.
My son has been clean for over 6 mos now. No miracle Tx, no substitutes, just enough to say he was "done".
What brings this "done" status to an addict, is beyond my comprehension. I just know it has to be the only way.
I can only advise you to love him, unconditionally, set your limits, watch for the manipulation tactics, and be honest with him. Most of all, Just LISTEN to him.
Their dark world is filled with Self-loathing, Don't add to it. My most surprising thing i learned about this demon of addiction, is how much the addict hates themselves.
As a mom, I only could see the beauty and love of my son. You need to find that again.
I am proud to say, yes, extreemly proud of my son right now. Has a fantastic job, actually 2, and works out almost every day. I would never have believed it possible, 10 mos ago.
I don't want you to think any of this has been easy. It has been a journey. We have no guarantees that he will not relapse, no addict ever does, but please don't give up hope, because i know at this point, your son has. Love him and touch him, let him know you understand his pain.
I wish you luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you
Susan