I love the fact that you "named" yourself NormieJoe. After seeing that and the statement "I've started to question that truth, and truth be told, I really think I could handle responsible drinking." all I can think is....
cunning, baffling, powerful.
This is why they say meeting makers make it. Cause it does not take long before we truly forget where we came from. AA gave you the life you have now and I hope that if you find that you are not a normie that you come back before you destroy that life.
You have already decided to try out your normie status and I wish you the very best. Please come back and let us know how it goes. In the meantime, I will be praying for your wife and baby. You are risking their stability & happiness. I sure hope the "chilling" out is worth it. Of course your wife is not panicked, she has no idea the ride she is in for. She did not know you when you were using, right? Nor did she sign up for that when she married you, ya know?
What I don't understand is that in all the times you spent in the rooms and working the steps, you never learned a new way to chill out? I know that I have learned to live and love a sober life in the rooms and alcohol will never have anything to do with relaxation for me again. If I ever pick up a drink again, I bet the chaos that ensues eventually will be anything but relaxing.
I do apologize for being harsh, but man I did the same thing in my 20's. I got sober for some years and then decided that alcohol was never the problem for me, it was drugs. So I started drinking. It was not horrible at first. In fact I "maintained" my life (jobs, husband, kids, etc) for years but I did finally hit bottom at age 39 and I wish I had never convinced myself I could drink like a normal person.
Good luck.