Ruh roh
It's here, that little voice I knew would pop up, saying "You're not really an alcoholic. You can control your drinking. Go ahead, try it." Or, "Are you really never going to have another glass of champagne ever ever again?" Or "What about when you go to Italy, are you telling me you won't have a glass of wine in ITALY?"
(please note, I have no concrete plans of going to Italy. It's just something I want to do someday ... and I saw Italy on TV the other day, on Mad Men.)
I'm happy I can recognize the voice for what it is, at this moment in time. It's just the alcoholic in me wanting to take another drink. It's been 2 1/2 weeks, after all. I haven't yet told my husband I think I'm an alcoholic. Part of me is afraid of his reaction (will he be disappointed in me? will he think I'm making a big deal out of nothing? will it drive a wedge between us somehow?) And I think the other part of me doesn't want to say it out loud to him so there's no one around to hold me accountable if I pick up a drink again.
I won't drink today. Can't get to a meeting today, but I will tomorrow.