mirage

I've been reading here for awhile, registered a week or so ago, and have finally decided to give this a shot. It pains me to write this...I'm putting things in writing I've known for awhile now. I've never talked about it..I'm hoping this will help me get more comfortable with that. I didn't even want to write anything until I had a few days under my belt...and I hesitate now because it's easier not to tell anyone I'm trying to not drink..that way if I fail, no one knew anyway. Yes, I know how that sounds.

So basically I've been binge drinking for quite a while now. I'm a "the kids are in bed, time for beers" kinda drinker. It's very difficult for me to stop at a couple. Honestly, I don't even bother trying. If I'm somewhere where I can only have a couple, I don't have any at all...(till I get home and can let loose.) None of my friends even know I have issues..I really prefer to drink alone. (Is that odd? I think that might be really odd.)

Something tells me I have a lot more work to do than simply stopping the drinking, as I don't really know why I do it, (besides the obvious immediate gratification), but I'm trying to stop by myself and with the help of this site and all of you lovely people who seem so supportive. The thought of attending a meeting of any sort scares the crap outta me. Part of me still doesn't want to talk about this. It wasn't supposed to happen to me. Fact is, I'd rather delete this and run out to stock up for tonight...that's why I thought I'd better write this now before I do just that. I love reading all the support you all give each other, and now I think I need a little directed my way, too...so, for what it's worth, here's my first thread. Thanks for listening.