Welcome Joe. I was in the same place as you so many times. I had it all figured out...over and over and over again. Each time telling myself that I knew how to do it now, I can control it. Wrong! Each time it controlled me...even when I didn't want to acknowledge it. With close to 6yrs clean time, I've come to accept that one is too many, and a thousand is never enough. Please talk to some people from AA or any other type of recovery group, someone you trust, or in front of a meeting, and ask them how they feel about it since they know your recovery and you better than we do.