Just like any insane person, don't take it personally if you can help it. My codie mom is also so tunnel-visioned on the drama AF generates that her ability to notice anything else is pretty much vestigial now. You can almost hear those rusty gears clicking when she woodenly remembers to ask, "so how are things?" after a fluidly-smooth rant about the latest dysfunctional-behavior-based dramatic scoop.
If it still upsets you to talk to her, it's a sign that your expectations for your relationship are still too high. Take it easy on yourself. You're still coming to terms and grieving with the mom you don't have.