I get what you are saying, Neo. I am a woman, and work as a rodeo trainer and rider. I have to compete in the world of trash-talking, beer drinking, tough guys. (one guy I compete against tested his new branding iron on himself before using it on his horses - he has the burned brand on his stomach to prove it - he is probably the "greatest" example on the east coast rodeo circuit of tough and drunk!) How is little old me supposed to hang with them, especially drinking diet coke or the like??? Truth be told, I LIKED drinking whisky with them (and by myself, etc.) because it made me feel tough, and cool and like I was hanging with the big dogs...definitely NOT a soccer mom and I LOVED that anti-establishment feeling as well.
Now I can say that I find some of those same tough guys that I spent so much time impressing intolerable, but I also don't seek the company of the other "soccer moms". I will be sober for two years on Wednesday, and I am still figuring out who I am and where I fit.
Not much advice other than give it time. There are other ways to be a rebel that aren't self destructive! Have good sober fun!
Jomey