Wow, Skeeter, I understand how you feel, I've been there and still am to a degree.
I am also in a relationship with a "chronic pain with addictive behaviors."
Hubby has severe degenerative disc disease of the back & neck. His doc has him on Norco 10's Hydro's for breakthrough pain and Xanax. He is currently being evaluated again for disability, I think this time he might be approved. We have a son together.
He can't take them as prescribed. He blows right through them. I have held on to them & dispensed them too, and he would find where they were hidden and take them. We even bought a lockbox, he took it and welded it open & tried to tell me someone stole them. All because of the "pain" Oh how well I know the insanity. Know one thing, it will never work with you holding on to the pills, it's a no win situation. He will find them again and again. Beleive me, I know. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again expecting different results. I was in that loop for way too long beleiving his rationalizations for too long. I have been the very definition of insanity & codependant.
I have kicked him out in anger, only to let him back in because I could'nt stand him starving and hearing my son begging, tried to force rehab, I have tried nearly everything to try to make things work. I nearly made myself physically ill trying.
I go to Alanon, which in my small area there are no naranon's. It is my lifeline, I would not make it otherwise. The program helps me cope and try to break the cycle of insanity. I am working on myself and trying to work on making me better. I have made changes, baby steps if you will. I don't pay for the doc visits, I don't buy the meds, I don't handle his meds at all now. I have boundries in place about what is unacceptable behaviour. Purchasing med from others, borrowing them, irrational and insane behaviour. He has to make his own decisions, not me. So far he has not been overly stoned and displaying the erratic, irrational behaviour but he is still not taking them correctly. But he has to decide what to do about that. And I have to work on enforcing my boundries if and when that time comes.
I have no clue what the future holds, when I become strong enough I may decide to divorce him. At this point I am just working on my biggest enemy, myself. Trying to discover why I act like I do. Just baby steps, thats how I do it.
Is it the right way? Who knows? But I do know I am alot more calm, more serene and able to deal with things on a day to day basis. I have started doing more things that I want to do & less time obsessing over what he is doing. And that is a very good thing.
I hope things work out for you,
Teggie