For me the sadness came when i accepted the truth of our situation. I had been in denial for so long that i could fix my AS. once i realized i couldnt i went through a period of grief. What i knew during that time was that it would pass - i just kept reminding myself that it would and kept putting it in HP's hands. I still have times of sadness - sadness for the lost hopes and dreams that i had for my son but now i try to remember that its not about my hopes and dreams its about his. so i try to focus on the good. instead of trying to get him clean i try to support him when he does something good (yes it can be few and far between). its had some very positive affects on him and me. I dont know if it will last when my son comes home but it has been helpful in his recovery. i've found that my AS's guilt over the things he's done was one of the biggest things that was triggering his usage, so i decided that the last thing he needed was more guilt from me lecturing him. Now i'm free to just be his mom and to just love him because he's my son and not base my love on what he does.