Thanks for the response Hevyn. In my heart of hearts, I know I'm playing with fire. Nothing good or lasting ever results from my drinking episodes - just a terrible hangover, confusion, and wasted days. When I go out and drink, I always believe that I'll make some great friendships, be the life of the party, or maybe meet a nice girl to ask out on a date. What ends up happening is quiet the opposite - none of those wonderful things happen - I end up home (if I'm lucky), alone, and devastated. I probably drink as much as I do because I'm lonely and want to be liked. For some reason I refuse to believe that people like 'sober me'. I fear it's because I don't actually like 'sober me', and that drinking allows me to become cool, confident, and charming. In actuality, I end up a slurring baffoon.
I'm 1 day sober at this point - I have no idea how I'm going to get through this - I've tried so many times before. only to end up convincing myself that I don't have a problem. All I know is, I never want to feel the way I did on this past Saturday - it was the most horrible and pathetic moment I've had in quiet a while