Thanks for all your replies.
As you'll all know, I'm sure - it's so much easier when you know you're not on your own in this.
Me?
(I'll try to keep this as brief as I can)
I'm early 30s. Drinking heavily from 17 on and off but nothing I couldn't cope with - turned into a problem in 1997.
Did numerous home detoxes then went into a Priory unit in 2000 for a detox programme. That facility has since closed.
Stayed sober for 6 months after that then slipped again. This has been pretty much the pattern with periods of sobriety between 5 and 11 months ever since. Each time I've started then stopped drinking the sickess the shakes have been harder, the visions worse and the problems I've left in my wake even more difficult to get my head round. But I'm not telling you anything here you don't already know! How awful it is. The guilt.
I'm a few days into a home detox and feeling a lot better than I did on Wednesday/Thursday. More lucid than I've done before after a few days but I've sipped water, eaten very small amounts of food, tried to keep the meds at a minimum. The grogginess is there but not as bad as the alternative.
This has got to be a changing point - how many times has that been said before?!
I've sent message to employers that I've had a bereavement (a most terrible lie -may God forgive me); my partner has told me I'm on my last chance so I stand to lose my home and the bank account is empty. Everything I've tried to work for between these awful relapses will go. And I know that. Yet, after a few months, I pick up the drink again thinking that everything will be ok. Sure enough, it isn't.
So here's the question. It can be done and I know it can because of what I've read here and people I've met in AA. But how?
I've struggled with AA. I've nothing against it but it hasn't worked for me since 2002/3 so I'm not sure if it'll start now. Or maybe thats down to my attitude towards it.
Thanks for reading this. Sorry for rambling and I hope we can all support eachother in the future. Xxx