Hi. I can so relate to trying over and over to stay sober. I had 13 yrs sober in and now i have been drinking again for 5 yrs. Twice in my life I have been seriously ill due to my drinking and using. It is a life threatening thing for me but still I don't stop. It's so crazy. If I don't stop now I won't live to see my grandchildren, but even that thought doesn't stop me. The insanity of it all. I thought I would try this for the support. My family believes I could use just a little more willpower and i would be alright. They don't understand. I hope someone here understands. I use the name wantohavefun because alcohol and drugs seems to be the only way I can have fun. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me. i envie other people who can laugh and have fun at the drop of a hat. But not me. I'm always so responsible except when I drink.