This is a really tough situation. I'm sorry you are going through this. I think I would pray for help for my son. Perhaps he will get 12-stepped and come into the program. You need to try to let go and let God. I put my family through hell as well and I can't believe they didn't give up on me. You don't need to give up hope but you need to give up your co-dependence, you are only hurting yourself.
I hope this helped.