Welcome allstar! I was an all-or-nothing drinker too. Like, what would be the point of just having one glass of wine with dinner? That attitude says it all. That says that we drink to get drunk. To be oblivious & numb. I never thought of it that way in the beginning of my drinking career, but it was always true.
I'm sure you've heard, "alcoholism is a progressive disease". Even if you've quit for awhile, the next time you pick up you return to where you left off - you don't have a clean slate to work with. I was once sober for 3 yrs. and when I picked up again I crashed & burned at a terrifying pace. I got DUI's & did terribly destructive things I never did in my younger years. I simply can't handle it or control it, ever again.
I would say based on your description of your drinking pattern that it's very dangerous for you to continue on this path. There's probably no going back to any sort of normal drinking. For me, it was just easier to eliminate it from my life all together, rather than playing with it. In the end, it was no fun anymore - and eventually turned into a living hell. I wouldn't want to see you reach that point, and you never have to. It's great you found your way here - please keep reading & posting.