Originally Posted by
newme7 If I'm really honest I'm not sure. As I said before the fact that sometimes I can have alcohol at home with no inclination to drink it confuses me. Also I've been the one at some family occasions where everyone is leaving their cars and having a few drinks who offers not to drink and drive everyone home.
But when I try to justify my drinking I come back to the same thing - I don't have control over it when I want to, so I have to have a problem?
It's understandable not to be sure, especially when sometimes it seems like things are normal (i.e. not touching the beer in the fridge). For me, some days a certain need gave me the willpower for a limited reprieve (family needed me to be the DD).
But in general, when I decided I needed to take a shower, I took a shower. When I decided I needed to vacuum out the car, I vacuumed out the car. When I decided not to drink, I drank anyways -- actually, it was more like an hour later, I was like "oh look -- I'm drinking... how did that happen?" It was like I had some mental blank spot. If I then tried to stop -- poured it down the drain or whatever, I felt... agitated? Like I was in a spaceship in a sci-fi movie and the monitor on the wall is counting down "28 seconds of oxygen left... 27... 26..."
That may or may not sound familiar.