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Old 10-03-2009, 10:09 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
chrisinaustin
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by newme7 View Post
If I'm really honest I'm not sure. As I said before the fact that sometimes I can have alcohol at home with no inclination to drink it confuses me. Also I've been the one at some family occasions where everyone is leaving their cars and having a few drinks who offers not to drink and drive everyone home.

But when I try to justify my drinking I come back to the same thing - I don't have control over it when I want to, so I have to have a problem?
It's understandable not to be sure, especially when sometimes it seems like things are normal (i.e. not touching the beer in the fridge). For me, some days a certain need gave me the willpower for a limited reprieve (family needed me to be the DD).

But in general, when I decided I needed to take a shower, I took a shower. When I decided I needed to vacuum out the car, I vacuumed out the car. When I decided not to drink, I drank anyways -- actually, it was more like an hour later, I was like "oh look -- I'm drinking... how did that happen?" It was like I had some mental blank spot. If I then tried to stop -- poured it down the drain or whatever, I felt... agitated? Like I was in a spaceship in a sci-fi movie and the monitor on the wall is counting down "28 seconds of oxygen left... 27... 26..."

That may or may not sound familiar.
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