First off, forgive yourself for your negative behaviors and start fresh with today. Don't drink for today. Seeing your doctor for help to get thru withdrawal would be a good idea too.
Have you thought about a program of recovery? Like AA or Women for Sobriety or the christian-based Celebrate Recovery. Having face to face support can be very helpful. But in the end it comes down to you not taking that first drink. Take it one day at a time. Just don't drink for today.
I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, but as you already know, there's no problem so bad that alcohol can't make it worse.