Thread: New to Sobriety
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Old 09-30-2009, 10:49 PM
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BlarneyStone
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: California
Posts: 12
New to Sobriety

Hi All,

I'm not sure I'm posting this correctly but here goes....Today I attended my first AA Meeting. I've never been so scared in my life. My husband has been wonderfully supportive. My three teenage sons have no idea that my drinking reached epic proportions-almost two bottles of wine a night. I hid it from everyone. I was the master at hiding the bottles. Three years ago I would have said that two bottles a night was insane, but here I am. I guess you could say I was a functioning alcoholic. Went to my job. Worked out. Volunteered at school. Maintained a pretty good facade. Then several weeks ago I cared less about hiding it (I guess I was finally getting tired of the charade). My husband discovered the bottles. We talked and talked. I promised to stop drinking for awhile. Stopped for two weeks then bam! Out of the blue, yesterday, I went to the store and purchased two bottles of wine. He knew right when he walked in the door. This slippery slope I've been on for several years now has gotten progressively worst over time. I have the tolerance of a 250 pound linebacker. I pretty much only drink wine and beer (ha, ha...so easy to convince myself that it's o.k. if it's wine and beer). Oh, the things we tell ourselves.

What was my wake up call? The realization that I could lose everything that I love in the entire world. That I am picking my kids up from activities and driving with them in the car, risking their lives. What kind of mother would do that? I've lost all perspective. Fortunately, I have not gotten a DUI or worst, been in a car accident. But my kids are very astute and I can no longer kid myself into believing that I am in control of this addiction. I cannot risk putting them in harms way. How can I talk to them about drinking and driving when their own mother is doing just that? You lead by example.

I come from a long line of drinkers. My dad is a functioning alcoholic; my dad's dad was an alcoholic and my mother's brother (my uncle) died from alcoholism (although I never knew him). All three of his children are alcoholics. My two sisters are big drinkers too. One may have even a more severe problem then I, but she's in denial.

I'm very happy to have discovered this website. I found it by Googling a few key words. I hope to find support and understanding. I'm scared when I think of the possibility of never being able to drink again. To not be able to have a glass of wine with dinner or a cold beer on a hot day at the ballpark. Everywhere I go (dinner parties, social gatherings, etc.,) alcohol is always served. No longer will I be able to partake. I will have to answer questions and explain to all of my friends and family, why I'm not drinking. But at the end of the day, that is a small price to pay to ensure the safety of my children and to protect our beautiful family unit. I have a long way to go to earn back my self respect; today was the first step in that direction.
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