I don't have time to tell my story, but I just want to let you know how happy I am to find this site and to use these boards. I need support. Not a huge amount, because I have determined to conquer this damn addiction, whether I had any support or not. I have my own brain, I have faith in God, but now I have all of you guys (hundreds of you) to answer my questions and to help me move in the right direction when I feel like I must have a drink.
Long story short, I'm a mom of 2, a business owner, the president of the PTO, a girl scout leader... and I've always drank. But not too much - I could always handle it. Recently (over the last... few months I guess it's been) the economy and everything has kinda gotten to me (excuses, excuses) and when I've felt stressed about things I've let myself binge drink. Wow. Not a good plan. I've done it enough that one drink becomes... I don't even know. I've drank enough to have stashes here and there because I'm embarrassed to have my husband see how much I can drink. I have lotsa stories that I never want to admit to actually, but bottom line is not only have I passed out at night after too much drinking, lost my memory because of drinking, but now after reading up on many of these posts and webmd, etc. I'm sure my liver is swollen and my body is really getting affected. I feel crummy, my stomach is swollen, etc. But after a couple days that's starting to go away.
I'm not ready to give up my health. I'm not ready to give up my joy with my kids. I'm not ready to give up a sexy night with my husband because I can't control how much I drink...I pass out instead of just getting in the mood. He's so sweet and understanding so far though, because he loves to drink too - but he can stop. All of a sudden... I just can't seem to stop. I have bills to pay, a career to pursue, I WILL NOT LET THIS POISON TAKE IT ALL AWAY!
I have so much going for me. I can't afford to louse it all up because I can't control myself. I keep trying to control it for the last few months. And I do - half the week I don't have a drop. But once the weekend comes - whoo! time to enjoy, because I worked really hard & I deserve it! But I'm drinking so much, I can just imagine what my 6 year old is starting to think. My dad was an alcoholic and I certainly remember.
So... again, I'm overjoyed at this site and look forward to having the extra support I need to get past this. I'm just starting though. I understand step #1 of AA.... and..... I just wish I could drink moderately. But I'm "getting it" that I can't. I just can't. My brain isn't letting me anymore.
Any thoughts? Please share. Thanks a million.
