keithj

Howdy eyemitalian, and welcome.

This is one of the hallmarks of alcoholism. This is the both the phenomenon of craving and the mental obsession that AA's Big Book talks about. Once you start, all bets are off, and it's very hard to stop. And then once you've stopped, such as in rehab, you're doomed to start again.

I am an alcoholic of that variety. I too, started meeting with a sponsor and could not stop drinking. He still laughs about it. Here's this guy (me) showing up on time like we agreed, seemingly willing to go to any lengths, but reeking of booze. Of course, I tried to hide it, but he wasn't fooled for a second. After a week or two meeting like this, he asked me when my last drink was. And for whatever reason, I told the truth. I told him earlier that day. He told me to go home, dump what I had, and start the next morning on the directions he gave me from the Big Book. I went home, drank what I had left, and started the next day on those directions. I haven't drank since.

I'm always amazed how one of us gets through those first few weeks. I believe there is some grace involved in absolutely having to drink one day and not drinking the next. I don't know how that happens.

But it's a temporary grace. I couldn't recover until I put that grace to some action. Talking to a sponsor wasn't sufficient. Going to meetings wasn't sufficient. I had to get on a spiritual path that would lead me to a monumental psychic change. As long as I was on that path (and still to this day), I haven't had to drink. That was the proper action for me.

What step are you on? Today, even if you have to tie yourself down, don't drink. Make it impossible for yourself if you have to. But that is not all. Today, start that journey. Today, in addition to not drinking, take that first small step towards the end of your slavery.

There it is, eye, September 30, 2009 is the start of a whole new life, provided you take certain actions.