Confusion is all part of being an alcoholic. It's how it gets us to stay with it. Add to that depression and bingo. Why even bother, right? Wrong. Sobriety will help with the confusion - slowly the fog will lift, if you let it. This place is a good start. I don't know if you are depressed, but you sure sound like it and that is a medical problem that can also be addressed, if you let it. None of this will happen with alcohol. It's a very nasty cycle. When I went into rehab the first time I didn't realize just how depressed I was - even being sober didn't make any sense. "I don't feel any better, so why bother".
I, nor the people in my life believed the difference in me once I got help from the doctor.
Absolute priority is your sobriety. Even if you don't do anything else but stay on here and read and read. Whatever works. Keep strong and take one step, one day at a time.