wuzzled

Feel like meltdown coming. I try to keep positive, I try to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, I just don't know what is ahead.

The last few weeks, I find myself wanting to cry, having to hold back the tears. Thoughts are jumbled in my head and I can't sort any of it out.

I worry about everything, can't decide what to do. Kind of making myself crazy. Keep feeling that I have to hold it together. I have to work everyday, I have to do all the things I have to do. Feeling overwhelmed with it all. I feel behind on everything, and don't know how I can every catch up. The house is too big, the yard is too big. The problems are too big! Just can't keep up with it. So much is driving me nuts right now.

I am probably really not dealing with the real problems anyway, just kidding myself, that I am, or thought I was.

I try to keep busy, doing things, trying to keep my mind off the finances, the problems, whatever. It is just not working.

I have so many feelings I have pent up for so long, I don't know what to do with them. I have to stop because I am crying, and I can't cry right now, I will have to see real people in about 45 minutes, and don't want to look like I've been crying.

I know it's my fault because I have ALLOWED my life to get like this. I know it it up to me to change it.