I have always struggled with a fear of suceeding or of living up to my own and others expectations of me.
This got to the point where I like, a lot of others I have spoken to, sabotaged every aspect of my life.
And drinking when there was any chance of forward progression is a prime example of how I acheived this self sabotage.
Using alcohol in this manner of course leads to worse consequences than simply failing at work or in study.
So now the fear of having to live up to my capabilities and responsibilities is now all tied up in my fear of life without alcohol.
All I can do at the moment is concentrate on my sobriety, once fears and worries of future events and aims become involved I get all muddled up in the mess I have let my life become.
Thanks for bringing this subject up Matt because it is something I am going to have to deal with in the near future, I need to find out where and when I became so afraid of pushing myself to suceed that I just gave up trying, I know it began when I was really young but have no idea why.
Looks like therapy may be playing a big part in my future lol