Deer, there is a really good chance that all of this is on me. I am uncomfortable talking about it...and everything that everyone has said has been things I've been thinking.
I don't like stepping on people's toes. Also, my thinking goes like this: my therapist has been the person who has offered the most support face to face. She's the last person I need to **** off. I don't want to lose this support. I'm worried that if I get dropped I'll be devastated.
I know...I'm doing a "worst case scenario"...that's on the list of distorted thinking. And I know that I need to be able to talk about everything in therapy...otherwise what's the point of going?
This isn't easy for me. As much social anxiety as I have I think I'd rather step up to a woman and ask her on a date.
I've been doing a lot of thinking after reading the responses here. What I should do is write down my thought process as to why I've been avoiding talking about it. It involves me being a "mind reader", "expecting the worst possible outcome", "people pleasing"....and whatever else I can add to the list of distorted thinking. After I get that out then perhaps I can talk about all of that other stuff.
Still have enough time before my session to write all of this down.