Being aware that we are doing it - is the most important first step, so hats of to you for being aware. i adore my mother, and she has improved greatly, but she is very, very codependent and has those moments of the immaturity and the snide comments. She has MUCH improved, so much so, that I feel guilty even saying that. But, I can relate to what you mean. Once it is brought into your awareness, you will begin to see it in yourself and catch yourself when (and hopefully before) you do it. The biggest advise I can give is to constantly "check your motivation". Be cognizant of what you are going to say, why you are going to say it, and what you hope the outcome will be. If you find you are saying things to punsih or be hurtful - then you've achieved awareness!! Then you can maybe just stop yourself from the line of thinking that led you to believe that what you are about to say or do is necessary, and can think of a more production way to handle an event with pure motivation. My mantra for a very long time has been and still is "check my motivation.". You probably can't help your mother, but you can certainly recognize it in yourself. I remember when I first became aware of this type of behavior, it was so blatantly recognizable in my mother, it made me shocked that I had never noticed it before. Now, she does it sometimes, and I will in the nicest way possible ask "why did you say that?", and sometimes she'll say "I'm not sure" and really think about it. But, that was only after I shared some stories of my own with here explaining that I could relate to the pain that had brought her to that place of feeling like she had to say those things. When she realized I wasn't judging or condemning her, but just sharing an observation, she was very open and even asked me to let her know when I feel like she is doing that, because she is very often not even aware. It has been a good growing experience for us both. But, that's just my mother, and we all know everybody is different.