One night at the bar my husband was talking to everyone there, but me and people he came with. He was everyone's best friend. After we got home, I asked him why he never introduces me to these people...and he said that he asked his friends if they wanted to meet me, and they said no. When I asked him why, he told me it was because I was a bitch, and everyone can tell that I am a bitch just by looking at me.
I spent so many years believing that I was wrong, that I was a bitch, that I could fix this if I loved him enough, that this time he would change, that the kids deserved a happy home (just meaning staying married), that he really was a good man somewhere deep down...that I forgot about me.
While he is gone, I really want to:
-journal everyday
-eat peaceful dinners as a family
-talk to each of my children everyday
-exercise more, eat less (No emotional eating!)
-focus on my feelings, my thoughts, my emotions
-read everything I can about addiction and how I need to deal with it
He has been out of the house for a week, and truthfully it has been a very peaceful week. After years and years of hiding all of this life, when I told my parents they were so kind and supportive of me. I truly know that this journey will be long and not easy...and the hardest part is not knowing ahead of time where it will end up. I want to make the right decisions for me this time, and I know that no matter where it ends up it will all be ok.