HI Mellane! I'm so glad you are on here - it really saved my life when I was right about where you are with my ex AH. My husband was never going to get any treatment, so I didn't have that to consider, but I can totally relate to your fears. I agree with what TJP said - even if he was "forced" to go to treatment, sometimes that is enough to get the ball rolling and there have been many success stories from that. Plus, now it sounds like his secret is out, so to speak - so, you don't have the stress of having to protect him anymore. If you haven't read "Codependent No More", I would run, not walk, to get that. I think I read it twice in as many days when I first got it, and could not believe how much that represented me! It was as if I had a disease, and someone said "here is the cure!". Obviously, it takes much more work than that, but I something concrete at that point and was headed in the right direction.
As for the question - will you still leave him after rehab? Maybe! Who knows - one step at a time for us too!! Whatever you decide, will be the right decision. I would absolutely use this time (as others have suggested) to really focus on yourself, and identifying your self defeating behaviors, etc. that you've picked up along the road to survive this horrible situation (believe me, we ALL have). If you let him do his thing, and really focus on shifting your energy to yourself, you can not lose, whether you decide to leave him or not. I always tried to look at it as an exciting new journey - which I know sounds incredibley and maybe unrealistically opptomistic, but, I was so so so miserable, I would have hopped on one foot and jumped through a ring of fire if I thought it would bring me some sense of serenity! So, I was ready to tear myself down and build myself up. So, if possible, think of the wonderful gift you will be giving yourself and your kids (even if they are adults) and the wonderful example you will be setting - and the BEST news is at least the part about recovering from codependency is 100% controllable by YOU!!! So, no matter whether he succeeds or fails, you will still come out a winner - he can't take that away from you! God's speed and keep coming back!!