I think one of the hardest parts about being sober is that sometimes it doesn't make everything easier, Mx....but thats where a site like this comes in handy - reaching out here is a good thing.
I don't think you've done anything wrong at all - sometimes life is tough. But you're not alone
I think self destruction is a pretty common thing for all of us here too, mx...
Have you talked to your doctor or therapist about this?
Sorry I didn't quite get if you meant you're hearing visions or hearing voices now, but that would be another reason to check in with your doctor.
keep posting and telling us whats going on, mx
D