Reading this thru tears, you are both so right. I am so thankful I found this forum...and look forward to spending lots of time here in the next 28 days.
I am going to find Al-Anon tomorrow.
I think the thing I am most angry with is that it took me 20 years to realize that I married a drug addict/alcoholic, and expected him to change because of the kids. So I guess you could say I am most angry at...MYSELF.
I finally got the courage this time to tell him to get out and stay out. He begged to come home, made an appt for counseling and ordered some books on addiction. I told him we were driving the same car down the same road and expecting to end up somewhere different. The difference this time? I was not going to be in the car. Not this time.
So he went to his parents. He TEXTED our two college age kids and told them some story about he was at the bar and someone wanted to get him in trouble, so they told me a bunch of things that weren't true. Told his parents that he was being an ass, and was drinking at that's why he was there.
I made him call the kids, and tell them the entire story. I went with him to his parents, and made him tell them the entire story...only he had to start 20 years ago and fess up to all the major times, the scars from falls, the fact that he has been to counseling 6 times in 10 years for alcohol problems. His parents were floored. They had no idea why he was there...and that he had such a problem. His dad point blank asked me about several instances, and if alcohol was involved...and each time the answer was yes.
I informed his parents and him that if he did not choose to get help other than counseling, I was leaving him. I have two very large fears right now...
1. That the decision to go to rehab was not his...that it was pressure from all of us.
2. That I am still going to leave after he finishes rehab.
Some of the issues are alcohol related, but I have also realized that I do not love the person he is when he is with me. What happens if I still don't love him when he is out of rehab? It seems as though he was so good at hiding this that no one truly saw the person I was married to.
Sorry for the long post...just so many feelings and issues at hand, and I need you all!