I remember when my xabf went to rehab. I was anxious for awhile. Then scared. Dropped him off that morning and cried. Cried for a couple days actually. Then I was angry. He left me here...all by myself....to do everything by myself. The kids, the laundry, the dogs, the cats, the bills. It suddenly all fell on ME to do.
I went to a meeting that night. Cried. I was SOO angry. I was angry with Alanon. I got to talking to someone and she asked why I was angry with Alanon? I thought about it and realized that he was drinking when we met. And we had some good times together. We laughed together. Made some of the best love. We had some great times while he was drinking--while WE were drinking. And I was angry with Alanon because a year and a half later I was finally aware of what was going on around me, that he had a drinking problem. Everything had been fine between us. Until I learned more about alcoholism and now here he was in rehab because of it. It wasn't HIM I was angry with...it was the knowledge of his problem. And now because of that knowledge I lost him. I was all alone. I had everything to do and it was all there for just ME to do.
She asked what role he played in the house. In our every day life, what kinds of things did he do. Angry with so much at the time I said "nothing". His job was to sit around and drink. He was a decoration at the bar most days.
She shook her head, chuckled a little bit, looked at me and said "so.....you've been doing it all alone anyway".