It’s been a while, but here I am, back on day two. I have a tooth that seems to be going bad…….ouch. Had an anxiety attack out walking on Friday, lost it, so many worries crowding my head. I was sitting in a park, thought it would be calming, but could not find any peace.
Arg, this debt and so many things I need to have ‘treated’ or dealt with, but no way to go about it. It's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now...but hopefully one day.
I have thought about mediating, as many have suggested....hard to focus. I think I need a remedial class. That, and a quiet place to go about it: I rather like sensory deprivation, to be in a pitch back room, no sound, nothing. I tried those flotation/isolation tanks a few times at a place in DC, and that was quite relaxing.
I could be the poster child for anxiety and angst; hippies flee from me in horror, massage therapists feel their muscles cramp up, a troubled look crosses even the Dalai Llama's brow. Whole Foods shoppers shudder, acupuncturists are on pins and needles, yoga instructors gawk as their students get caught up in knots. Maybe the military could harness my nervous energy and use it as a weapon, changing the enemy into a barrage of Kafkas and Bergmans, teen-age Saints and sad-eyed sinners.
Well, I will try to hold on. That tooth is really starting to kill me, I think it might have to be pulled. Ouch, that hurt so much the last time I had to do that.....and even after a low dose of Oxycontin, nitrous oxide, a pinch of valium and Novocain......felt like my mouth was the forest, and the oldest tree on earth was being ripped from it. Have never felt pain like that, even through the haze of a panoply of substances supposed to stop it.
Well, day two: Hoping I make it, am at work until 11 PM if anyone wants to write me, I’ll be checking……
Hope everyone else is OK.
HP