Thanks for the responses. I am not sure why but reading some of the research around this topic really helps me for some reason. I think it gives me a sense of the kind of loop I have been trapped in. Eating way too much getting fatter to the point i could not stand looking at myself. Then drinking to much to get rid of my self hating internal dialogue. I think i am going to investigate this mindfulness training. It may help - has anyone here tried it?