Thank you so much. That was what I needed, someone to tell me that it does happen to others. Not the 'if they love you enough they will stop for you too'. Funnily enough when he went into heart failure the first thing I did was to buy some nicotine patches for myself, because I figured he can't smoke anymore and nor can I. It just wouldn't be fair. Well he still smokes more than me so that was a waste of money
I do have to work on the resentment though - I don't want to feel that way, but it's there. I try and understand, I even feel guilty, but it's there. I'm afraid if I go to meetings it will grow even stronger. That I will feel closer to the people there than at home. It happened when I first went and I stopped. You know I hate the saying 'it is what it is'. Today for the first time reading your post, I felt the meaning of it. I guess I have the wisdom to know the difference after all. Thanks again. As for the clueless: Gee you don't know how right you are: This morning there was a commercial for a new documentary on TV about Neo Nazis (I was born and brought up in Germany). He started laughing and quipped whether that was the support group I joined. Enough said.
Marion