As difficult as it may be, I agree that no, or greatly reduced contact is probably the most viable option.
There are few things more difficult than not reacting or responding to irrational behavior of an alcoholic; the abusive language, threats, irresponsibility, and their dogged efforts to transfer their guilt onto the nearest warm body.
I can’t even imagine how difficult this would be with a child, regardless of age. I am very new to this, but I've learned to recognize the toxic patterns in my relationship with my RAW. I have also learned that unless we break the cycle of codependency, we put our own well being and sanity at risk.
A critical step in toward breaking that cycle is learning to detach. I won’t presume to suggest how might do that. Speaking personally, I’ve begun kind of an incremental detachment process from my RAW. As I identify specific behavior as her attempt to make me feel responsible or guilty for the difficulties she experiences as a result of the decisions she’s made, I don’t respond, and carefully withdraw until that behavior stops. That is not easy, but I believe that I see some positive albeit small changes as a result. I am changing the pattern of how we’ve always related by not reacting or responding to the irrational behavior she exhibits at times.
This site has been very helpful in getting me to this point. I also have someone very close to me that helps keep me focused on what is really going when these episodes occur. Detachment become easier the we practice it. Maybe give some thought to any small thing you might be able to do to break the cycle with your son.
My heart aches for your situation. I wish you all the best .