Iwanttoheal

Hi Ago

So much of your post resonated with me. I can relate to so many of your ACOA issues - or maybe we are simply the product of plain unhealthy, dysfunctional upbringings.

At 44, I could write pages on repeating situations and behaviours that I experienced in my upbringing. The positive on this, is like you I am now aware and am working hard not to repeat past unhealthy behaviour.

My observation is this, why are WE not one of the ones who "WALK AT THE FIRST (insert whatever is appropriate)".

How I see it is like this...

Growing up in an alcoholic home for me meant that I learnt to ENDURE - no matter HOW BAD THE SITUATION, I learnt to ADAPT and ADJUST. I never learnt that I had the POWER to say NO and to WALK AWAY from situations that caused me PAIN. I learnt to ENDURE and WAIT IN HOPE for the day when things would improve and of course that day NEVER came. The damaging unspoken message that you absorb growing up in an alcoholic home is that YOU are NOT WORTH ANYTHING BETTER.

Unfortunately we carry these messages into adulthood and I find myself at 44 having to relearn:

I have the power to say NO now
I have the power to walk away
I no longer have to endure
I am worth more and better things

These are easy things to write but so, so, so difficult to put into practice.

I hope some of you in alcoholic relationships with children can see what I am trying to put down in words. I know and understand that you are in so much pain yourselves BUT this could be your children's future reality - it is certainly my reality - I am getting there but I've already lived half my life and here I am having to TEACH MYSELF healthy behaviours and attitudes - just some food for thought.