Originally Posted by transformyself

I always felt like a fake. We would go out together and I felt like we were acting. Acting like a couple.

My AH never loved me because his only love, really, is the booze and himself. I can love him. I did, but it turned into an obssessive mess, with me keeping track of where he went, who he communicated with, how much he drank and how much he spent on drinking.

We weren't happy. We weren't good to each other. We weren't friends.

Suspicion and fear took over my life and replaced any love, respect or trust.

I am so thankful to be able to see these things without gut wrenching pain. I can observe them. And make better choices today. It purges the pain I've been feeling. It was valid! I was in a horrible, dark place.