Originally Posted by
Saphie 
I'm still feeling fine and more determined than ever. But........ I really do need all you wonderful people that might be in the same situation as me to let me know how to deal with a problem (this might be a long one-sorry): I just told my husband that I've joined a support group. I was dumb struck when he asked me 'for what'? This from the man that sat next to my bed in the ER two years ago when I was going through the DT's. This from the man that didn't go to the family introduction in rehab (mandantory if you want to visit), because he had errands to run. This from the man that makes me go to 4th of July parties and tells me to take the dog as it would give me something to do. This from the man that is now forced not to drink a lot because it causes him to get gout - ironic isn't it. He told me he felt bad that he couldn't do it for me. Anyway cutting an already long story a little shorter: How do you live with someone that is standing in the way of your recovery? How???? I know your first instinct is to tell me to leave, but that's not an option for various reasons. You see I moved from Europe to be with him, I gave up a house, career and friends. What little money I brought with me is gone. I'm 49, my sons are grown up and have their own problems. Also my husband is in heart failure and I'm the one with a job and insurance. It's a no win situation. Oh yes and that little fact that I do still love him. Crazy or what? If any of you have any suggestions to get through this I would be so grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it was very personal but I really had to get it of my chest. Thanks again.
Oh my
my heart goes straight out to you
I can't tell you what you should do, you have gotten some great advice, but I can tell you what I did
I left
I was trapped, no way out, was stuck for years
I finally called some friends, they came and got me, I was broke, effectively jobless and homeless, I stored my stuff under one friends porch and couch surfed between 3-4 other friends house and friends fed me and loaned me gas money until I started getting odd jobs and paid them back, after 30 maybe 45 days I think I rented a room in a house with three other sober people, since they saw me in meetings and I was referred by other people in AA they waived a deposit, and let me pay rent as I got it, which I was able to do on time every time but it was touch and go.
That was a year ago, and while I am still rebuilding my life, and am still trying to find a better job, I now have a 2 bedroom house with beautiful hardwood floors, all new paint, wonderful front and back yard, garage with adjoining wood shop. I am able to live there alone, in a place far nicer then the one I left.
I had to do the work on the yard myself, am still working on the house and garage beautifying it but once again, since I am sober all deposits were waived and my rent is ridiculously low until I get a better job. I cut fresh flowers from my yard and put them in a vase on my coffee table every week now.
When I made one step towards recovery, it made two steps towards me, step three says that I turn my life over to the care of God, that if I stay close to him and do his work well, he will care for me.
Although I am an atheist that has been my absolute experience for many many years, inexplicable though it is.
I thought that leaving wasn't an option as well, I told myself that for long years as I got sicker and sicker until I relapsed (drank again) so I know what it is to feel trapped to feel that there is no escape, but I'm also here to say the only bars in my prison were the ones in my mind, that once I closed my eyes and jumped off the cliff and asked for help half way down, doors opened and I was cared for, as long as I stayed sober and did the deal.
Good luck and Go with God Little sister
:ghug3