LadyB, please please please let him suffer the consequences of his actions!!! My xabf also rides a Harley, and the truth of it is this: Whether or not they are on a bike, in a car, or walking, whatever circumstances come their way while drinking are not my responsibility!! My responsibility today is to take care of myself, and what he does is not my business. I understand your fear. I had it everytime I heard that bike start up. What I have learned to do is not let his drinking control me anymore! I won't enable him by driving him to a bar. He can get there on his own. I also don't listen to ultimatums that are issued from someone in active addiction! FU## him!
I understand also about the girl...first time I caught him it was with a girl that used to be a best friend! Misery loves company, and even knowing that, I felt like someone punched me in the gut! The problem is his, and his alone. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You can't love him into recovery. All you can do is take care of yourself. I was told that I was killing him with my love. All my love did was enable him. He used it against me.
I know you are hurting to the core right now, I do get that. Have you considered an Al-anon meeting? They have changed my thinking just in one month. I am getting free of the pain, and I treat him as an addiction....I can't have a fix anymore. It never really was about him anyway, it is about me and why I feel I don't deserve better. I will pray for you tonight, and I can promise you with al-anon you will find some much needed peace. Please hang in there, we are all pulling for you.