I'm sorry for your loss Kim. I lost my husband 6 months ago, his body wore out from all the drug use and he was only 48.
There is so much numbness at first, it's like you're going on automatic pilot...everything is surreal. Then the feelings kick in and it's so overwhelming at first because the feelings seem to fight and contradict each other...know this is all normal. Grieve your way. No way is wrong, as long as it's your way. Let ALL the feeling come, don't fight them or they'll keep coming back. Most importantly...keep talking about it, over, and over, and over again. Don't let anyone tell you shouldn't feel such and such a way...all your feelings are right and valid for you. No one can ever know "exactly" how you feel because death and grieving is a very individual thing. Give yourself lots of TLC and don't be afraid to ask for help, many people don't offer their help because they don't know what to say or do, so for many it is a relief to be asked.
and :praying