UGH. i should have known from the beginning how this was going to turn out.
No, you had no way to recognize an alcoholic if you did not know an alcoholic before. Or even if you did. Perhaps you ignored red flags, but that is what you can work on, knowing which are red flags FOR QUEENIE, what are dealbreakers FOR QUEENIE... that is your stuff to handle... but it was never your job to prevent his issues, addictions or progression...
Perhaps you don't miss him as a boyfriend but as a friend? A therapist mentioned this and she was right, what I missed were some great conversations, watching MTV JAMS, movies, stuff friends do. When we both ended up crying each one for our own reasons that hurt... when we went to concerts and we laughed about stupid things. When we went to a restaurant, rain caught us and his hair was all messy and fluffy, and people outside stared at him, LOL.
Those things are what I miss but I know I have shared similar moments with other friends, and I can actually be grateful for those moments and I am ok knowing those times are past. Knowing I miss him as a friend only, makes me feel less insane....
When you are told you are X or Y, you are just a mirror queenie.. he feels angry, selfish and imature. I am concluding as they do not have anything to hang on to feel better about themselves they try to drag others down to their level. Anything others tell you is just the opinion they got about themselves.....
You are what you define yourself to be... and one day this will sink in in your soul and you will realize you are free, free from him, free from alcoholism and lies, free from who you were yesterday... that you got a lot of qualities that make you special, then your thoughts will be aligned with your feelings and with your acts, and you will have found richness and happiness.
There are many great things in store for you queenie!!