don't want to die, I just don't want to live.
Damn bro!!!! I know exactly how that feels!!!
I remember sitting in my garage alone drunk and still drinking more just hating myself and my life, scared to die but so fricking tired of living the way I was living! My life had become a ever repeating loop..... wake up, fill the cooler with beer, go to work, work, pop top as soon as I left work kill 7-8 to drive home, stop and get more, sit in my garage drinking alone listening to the radio until I was blottoed, sometimes I could not get drunmk any more, I would just go to bed and pass out................. repeat!
Who the hell wants to live like that? I didn't, but I was scared of death as well!
I found a solution and you can to my friend.
You are there if you choose to be there!
If you want to get started man you need to let that doc know exactly what is up in your head, you know it would not hurt a thing to give the AA hotline a call. Who knows, perhaps a reincarnate of Dr. Bob will answer.
If you need a ride to detox or rehab call them, they can get you a ride.