Last night was a struggle. She called from inpatient and we talked for a bit.
She kept trying to get me to agree to a separation and not divorce. She said she has never felt this good about healing and is sure this is the answer. She said I am wrong to give up on her now and I will miss her being healthy and us being happy if I leave.
I told her she gave up long before me. I stayed until I had nothing left to give and she has to forgive me but I have heard it before that she is ready to heal. I truly do hope she heals but I can't take the chance with my heart over and over, hoping one of these days it will be better.
She started quacking over and over about how the disease made her do this and that. To be honest I am sick and tired of hearing that. I told her she may be sick but that doesn't excuse her behavior. She chose to do those things. She chose not to drink first thing in the morning. She chose not to drink at work. She chose to drink around her family. She chose to lie to me. She chose to sleep with my best friend for 6 months. I am sick and tired of hearing her excuses and saying she was not responsible for her actions.
I do hope she finds peace and healing but there is no way in the world I will be around as her husband to see that. She tried to tell me she could very well find someone else and be happy with him. I told her I hope she does, she deserves happiness and so do I.
Even in healing she still tries to guilt me but I am much stronger now and I refuse to play those mind games with her.