OMG you are so not a useless peice of ****, and being yourself is so right.. and please give AA another shot and maybe do something differently this time,, talk to someone, push yourself that extra distance and talk to someone get out of your comfort zone,,, remember if you do what youve always done youl get what youv always got...you have successfully completed one of the hardest things "quitting drinking" and you dont even miss it,,, my god that is huge, fantastic, great... dont give up now when you are confronting the reason you drank for, you are doing well, you just need some help to get through it.. and suicide is NOT an option,,, you erased it from your post so now erase it from your mind,,,,, this will pass it really will......
hang in there mate.....