I couldnt tell you why it is harder the next round. I think for me it was because I was just slowly giving up. But thank goodness I didnt go too far with that thought.
Keep focusing on how great it was when you were sober before.
Remember those feelings of sobriety when you think you want to drink.
I am glad that you dont want to do it alone. It does make it tougher if we do.
I am sry you dont have that support at home. But there are lots of ways you can find it with people just like yourself.
Hang in there. And hope to see more of you.