beginning
I just found this site today. I'm 47, divorced (ex is still a great friend), have two great children, and a wonderful loving fun gf. I'm in a good profession and do my job well.
But I drink. I love to drink as well. I don't really like the taste....I love what it does to me. My father who is 82 has drunk every day of his life and is still a blacksmith. Around 2 to 4 scotches a day. In his 30's and 40's more. So I suppose it is in the genes. I drink a bottle and a quarter of red wine a day. I never want the 12 or 12.5% wines, I check the label here in the UK to make sure it is 13 or more. I will drink around two bottles when out socialising.
My health is suffering, muscular aches and pains in ribs, arms, back...acid reflux (thank goodness of gaviscon!! - its amazing how the mind works..."shopping list - 1 big bottle and one small bottle of wine....oh and one bottle of gaviscon!! What a contradiction!) intermitent tenderness on right side...,light headedness, occasional nausea, digestive problems...certainly at one end!!!! lethargy - a general feeling of being poisoned is how I can describe it. None of my work colleagues would know I had this problem. I'm what I believe they call a functioning alcoholic. I love the feeling alcohol gives me....but hate what it is doing to my body and my life. I can't imagine a life without it....but know that is what it will have to be. I can't have one...that doesn't get me to the place I like and love. My body screams at me when I have that first glass, often having to go to the loo, a classic sign of the body saying poison, poison alert!!
Anyway....sharing this with you all is my first step. I admit I'm an alcoholic to myself...but not to others. Except you now that is. Wish me luck.....and I really will come back daily to read others efforts and successes, advice, support but most of all....understanding. Only an alcoholic knows what an insidious, manipulating lonely disease this really is......I feel scared about the future....but I believe fear is a good emotion in beginning to deal with a very difficult problem.
For those of you who have succeeded in riding yourselves of this horrific addiction....bless you. You give those of us who want to start the journey enormous encouragement and belief. I hope I become as successful as you...
seanx