I really like your thought process in the last post. Take care of yourself and the kids - Only he can take care of himself as far as wanting to seriously start the tough road to sobriety.
Does losing his wife and kids constitute a "bottom" for him and act as motivation to get help? I would sure hope so, but the ball really is in his court now; it sounds like you are ready to break the cycle and move on if he doesn't start a program of recovery.
Dave