Originally Posted by gingernyc

I'm alone in a strange town, and have tried to find some AA meetings by going online. Last night I thought I found a place, but it was just a deserted street. Today, I drove to where I thought there was a meeting place, and even asked a guy in the parking lot if meetings took place here. He told me to look in Self Help in the newspaper. Now that I think about it, that's ridiculous, but that's what I did, and of course no meeting listings. So, because I'm here taking care of my mother, I couldn't just drive around all day looking for meetings. Then, I started having this fantasy that I would go to this bar--it's a biker bar. I would sit at the bar and I would ask if anyone was a friend of Bill W. I would look for the bumper sticker with the AA triangle and circle symbol, and find the owner of the bike, and we would strike up a conversation. In my fantasy I would belly up to the bar and order a seltzer. I would talk about how rough it's been the past week, and about watering down my stepfather's vodka. Well, when I finished with my mom today, I drove by that bar 3 times, really slowly, and couldn't bring myself to go in there. I desperately wanted some company other than my ailing mother and invalid stepfather. I seriously thought I would find a non-drinking buddy at the bar...but as I drove by, the laughter and noise told me this is a place where the main activity is drinking. I know that hungry, angry, tired, lonely are bad states to be in. I was definitely lonely. I wasn't fantasizing about drinking, but I know people here say if you spend enough time in the barber shop you'll eventually get a haircut. I never did spend time in bars when I was drinking...but somehow this bar was calling me. I think it was really my social anxiety that kept me from going in there. I kept thinking, "where would I sit?" "who would I talk to?" "would I really say, 'are you a friend of Bill W?'" I'm glad I kept driving. I'm definitely feeling anxious and in need of talking to others who are simpatico.